A series of events have occurred over the last few weeks so I'll touch on each one individually. First one is my weight loss! So far so good; I have lost 10lbs and feel great! I've been sticking to an all protein diet and given I'm human....I've had a few slips and there, but nothing drastic. Slimming down and toning is my goal. I went from a size 12 to a size 8 and my arms have slimmed down to the point where the arm holes on most of my shirts are not cutting off my circulation. Also my tummy is toning! I only have 1 roll compared to the 3 I had! hahahaha So I continue to work out 30 mins before work and 30 mins during lunch. Second one is my dating. Now working out so well for me. I have been attracting a much younger crowd for some reason and this is not what I'm looking for. These men are either in their early 20's, married, or have girlfriends. In some ways it makes me wonder what kind of persona I'm giving off to make these men think that I'm at all interested. I do have tattoos, I do dress in t shirts and jeans, I do drink alcohol, I do hold my head as high as I possibly can, carefree attitude, and try to maintain a respectable posture. It must be the tattoos! hahahaha Third one is my ex. This one is not working out so well. I don't think I can withstand explaining to him why he is not permitted to be around my children while he is high and drunk. A few weekends ago I asked for help with the baby's daycare since he hasn't paid his child support and he continued to tell me that he's sent money to the state and he can't control when they give it to me. Problem with this statement is that I can see our case file online and there has been nothing applied. So I informed him that I will just ask his mother for help since he can't do it; in which she was just about to send me the money when my ex chimes in and says that he will give me the money. After so many years of lies and deceit I have awaken to know when a lie....is a lie. So we agreed to meet at my home on Saturday so he can visit and give me the money under one condition......that he doesn't arrive with pupils the size of pin holes. His reply? "I can't promise that they won't be". So the only thing I could say was, "well since you won't be able to visit the children, we can meet somewhere public so you can give me the money I need to pay for the baby's daycare". He showed up anyways. While on the phone with my mother, I had my daughter lock up the house 20 mins before his arrival and I sat outside waiting for the confrontation. He pulled up on his girlfriends motorcycle, turned the engine off and walked towards me. I asked why he turned off the engine cause he can't stay....he just needed to give me the money and be on his way. NOPE. He walked right past me, tried to enter my home with my children in it and because I beat him to the punch, he proceeded to call me every name in the book as loud as he could, threw a money order at me, continued to call me every name in the book even as he drove away....all with my mother on the phone and 911. I told the operator that everything was fine now because he left and immediately checked on the kids. My daughter heard everything and was upset because she thought he was going to hurt me and possibly come into the house. I told myself that I needed to go to the courthouse and file for a restraining order; however time off of work right now is not an option, so I'm going to have to either wait or find a way to leave work without any issues. Needless to say, the kids and I left that night and stayed with a friend. My daughter has been through enough with my ex to know he likes to come back to the scene so she just wanted to leave...so we did. Since this day my ex has text me on several occasions telling me that he and I need to put our differences aside for the kids and that he's no longer on drugs.....oh...and that he understands that I'm pissed off at him because he would be pissed off as well if I were dating someone, but that we need to try to get along for the kids. *WHAT?* Either his girlfriend is sending me these messages under the assumption that she has absolutely no clue as to what is going on or my ex is in complete denial that what he has done to not only me, but my children is not acceptable by any means. I have replied to NONE of them. Not one word in any text, but I do have them all saved for court purposes if he ever decides to play with more fire. I'm in a stage right now where I just wish he would quit breathing my air. A waste of space in my eyes. A down right ignorant child in a grown man's body who can do nothing for himself because he feeds off of people who do it all for him. And when things get heated and it's not resolved in his way..........he yells, cusses, hurts, and puts on one of the biggest temper-tantrums I've ever seen a grown boy throw. So....this brings me to all of those options I have in front of me.....I can only pick one. The best one for the kids and the best one for me. I'm very burnt out over it really, but still pissed enough to react as quick as cat and it won't be a very pretty outcome.
These are the big things going on right now. I am working very hard at maintaining my focus and finding my self confidence once again after years of being treated like nothing and appreciated for nothing. Work in progress.......
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