Fudge Crackers.....................

I am finding myself getting nauseous when thinking of my ex.  My head continuously goes through scenarios of the past and making assumptions of what is going on in the present....this of which has been keeping me from sleeping, concentrating, and enjoying my life.  I fight really hard to shake these thoughts, but it's like there is an underlying sense of something being incomplete and it's keeping me from moving forward.  I surround myself with people who I care about, I occupy myself with my children, and even with these things interfering; practically all moments alone.....has me thinking these things about him.  It's very restricting.  I worry about moving on and having to deal with this again.  I worry about finding someone to just enjoy time with and then becoming too emotional about them so they take off.  I worry that I will be alone forever because I don't want to catch an STD.  I don't know what is wrong with me....but I do know that I need to figure it out before it kills me.  This is what is keeping me from dating or even just hanging out with potentials.  I thought for sure if I went on a few dates I would loosen up and be able to take on the world again, but I can't even bring myself to go out on a date.  I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself.  I'm upset about how I yet again fell into a terrible relationship....I know for a fact I'm a bit depressed because of it and know that I need to be strong for my kids cause they need me to be.  I'm finding myself wanting to change every aspect of ME so that it doesn't happen again.  Maybe if I just change who I am and maybe what I look like, it will all go away and I can live happily ever after like I deserve too.  Harder to do than to say it, so I will continue to fight myself and live as happily as I can until I can flipside dive into this situation with more gusto.