Sniff Sniff.............

Darn sinus' are just not going to give up and leave me alone.  I think I may actually suffer through Christmas which will suck, but I'll deal with it as usual.  BLAH.....

My bod is definitely having a bit of a negative reaction to me not smoking.  Stress is breaking me out, a bit of weight gain (not too much, but I've noticed), lack of sleep, had more morbid dreams recently, and I'm guessing that due to the stress my hair is thinning.  I hope this all works out cause my looks are not making me very confident right now.  Once the sickness is over and things start moving for me at the beginning of the year I should be able to focus enough of the physical part of me.  I guess right now I just need to focus on the mental part of all of this and quit worrying about everything else.

Aside from all of this mess, I made a terrible mistake by attempting to rush INTO and OUT of Walmart today.  Didn't work.  I went for milk, bread, kool-aid, juice, Kirin Ichiban, photos, Christmas Cards and that was supposed to be it.  No....I had to get all of that, a Cars blanket for Lucas because Di got a tiger blanket from her father, a tote bag designer kit for Di, a mini iron, and iron on patches.  Now why I said....let me get her this cute little iron for these patches that she's going to use only once....I dunno.  It just seemed convenient.  But I got my Kirin so I'm okay.  It was a madhouse in that store I felt like I needed to punch someone to fit in.  I went from one end, to the other and back again to get everything and everywhere in between point A and B were people who liked to stop in the middle of the flippin isle.  DON'T EVER STOP WHEN TRAFFIC IS MOVING!!!  I'm sure one of the women I came across won't ever do it again by the look on her face after giving her the evil "you are an ignorant selfish bigot" face.  I quickly calmed down when checking all of my items out at the photo center instead of having to wait in line at the checkouts.

Last night's dream was a very different one than any that I've ever had.  It actually involved myself, Di and Lucas.  Usually it's just me and then one of them will make an appearance and go away, but last night it was all about us.  The first part started off in a park.  There was a huge lake with mountains all around us.  As we were walking a group of people started running real fast towards us and scattered saying to move the deer are coming.  So I quickly grabbed the kids up and moved them both behind a tree so the deer wouldn't hit them and I stood beside it.  The deer came out of nowhere and were so fast you could only see brown and white streaks except for one.  This deer was very confident as he walked toward me.  He stopped right in front of me and stared at me with his dark eyes and then let out a shrill that send all the people running for their lives.  I grabbed the kids and ran into a building.  We walked out of the back of the building and all the sudden we were on MacDill AFB.  Walking into the grass outside the building I got an overwhelming urge to walk the kids somewhere, but I had no idea where I was going so we just walked.  We walked through neighborhoods, into someones home where we were welcomed, across a dirt lot where a flea market was set up and then into another grassy area where I began to panic and where I woke up....
These dreams are trying to explain things... I know they are....I just can't fit all the puzzle pieces together to make sense of them.  They are really taking a toll on me.  I can't go back to sleep after wards because my mind is racing.  I can smell things, touch things, and taste things in my dreams as if I were actually there.  The sounds are acute and there's barely any talking.  It's almost like my senses are heightened when I sleep.  Weird......I'm weird.  I wish I could just dream about sleeping....maybe that might help out my psyche.