My Step 3 patches came in yesterday. On the road to completion, even though I may breakdown and cheat periodically it is a reminder that smoking really does nothing positive for me. Major hurdle that still needs to be dealt with is my want to smoke when I'm drinking. This is a HUGE demon! I love me some wine, I love me some beer, I love me some Irish Car Bombs, but I have refrained from my normal drink habit due to this massive urge to smoke. Social thing? Nah....cause I don't get out often and even when sitting at home having a glass of wine I feel it. Stepping outside and smelling the salty air helps a lot though. I think the alcohol drives the urge alone. The buzzed or not so sober feeling enhanced by a mere cigarette. It's been vicious; however the outcome is getting better every day and keeps me positive.
There are no dreams to report. For the past couple days I can remember only a little from them which of course helps nobody. The only changes I made were the night before I drank a glass of wine and didn't listen to any meditation music; last night Lucas slept with me because yet AGAIN he is sick. I can bunch all my nights together and give them all one common thing though. I always wake up between the hour of 2:45am and 3:45am.
Today I dove into one of my paintings. I am painting a vase for a coworkers sister that she will be presenting to her as a Christmas present. I have 2 vases going right now only hers is the most detailed. East Indian design with the bright colors and the OM sign in the center of the lotus. With all the REAL work I have to do everyday, it's been difficult to even put my toe in the water, but I was able to dive into it a bit today.
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